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Feelings
Parents and teachers in my workshops were surprised to discover that putting children’s feelings and desires into words is helpful, even when we can’t give them what they want. When kids feel understood, they also feel more calm, connected, and able to tolerate frustration.
“Perhaps the reason teens isolate themselves when they're
overwhelmed instead of coming to us with their problems is that
when they're toddlers we isolate them when they're
overwhelmed instead of helping them with their problems.
When our kids are small and trying to manage emotions - they
can't express what they are feeling. They throw tantrums, they
throw things, they have meltdowns, they scream and they whine.
This is their way of communicating with us. They need help to
organize, process, and healthily express their feelings. And
society tells us we should punish them for this. Send them to
their room, put them in timeout, spank them.
We teach them and train them not to show their emotions. Don't
whine. Don't complain. Your feelings are wrong. Be quiet.
Eventually, they stop expressing their emotions to us because we
told them over and over again we didn't want to hear it. For so
long they needed to deal with it alone. Alone in their room, their
chair, their corner.
And then they turn into teenagers and we expect them to feel
safe talking to us. We expect them to know that NOW it's okay.
They are subconsciously wired to think the opposite because this
is what they grew up learning.
Give your child permission to feel. Let them know their feelings
are valid and that you care, no matter how small. Make sure they
know that they are heard.
Pretty soon meltdowns over crayons will turn into breakups,
heartbreak, sex, or even depression. You want your child to
know that you will always hear them, no matter how small. You
are their safe space.”
(For the full article, click here for the blog post: https://cafemom.com/parenting/218477-laura-muhl-parenting-advice-discipline-timeouts